By Andrew T. Martin, MBA, CADC II, SAP

We are human and we need relationships.  Relationships afford us the opportunity to find purpose, feel connected, and experience joy.  When we are recovering humans, we need three types of relationships to be successful in developing a long-term quality lifestyle of recovery without drugs, alcohol and behavioral acting out.

Recovery begins with a relationship with one’s self while remaining abstinent from drugs and alcohol and/or acting appropriately with regard to impulse control.  It is only with discipline and acceptance that we can begin to discover who we really are underneath the addict behaviors.  Once in recovery, there is a tremendous amount of self-discovery that needs to take place.  Some of this work is very scary because we may have to confront some horrible past behaviors and pain.  With diligent work, we accept who we once were, and who we are today.  We eventually forgive ourselves for past behavior and hold ourselves accountable to a newly developed set of healthy boundaries.  It is now that we know ourselves honestly, and can happily engage in a relationship with ourselves.

In early recovery, we develop friendships with others in recovery.  We may engage a therapist or sponsor or recovery coach, and we develop new relationships with family members based on different boundaries and expectations.  These people are included in our support system.  They love us for who we are, and we love them back.  We can rely on them for healthy assistance and to provide us with encouragement and advice when we need it.  In turn, we support them in a mutual exchange of loving friendship.  Perhaps we also develop a romantic relationship with someone we love on an intimate level, and we find devotion for another:  more on this later in the article.

At some point in our recovery effort, we also create a relationship with our own higher power.  We find humility in ourselves while cultivating a consortium of morals, ethics, and principles.  We allow forgiveness to enter into our hearts, and we discover gratitude for life’s journey inclusive of our struggles and triumphs.  We experience empathy and compassion for our fellow human, and we find our spirit can be fulfilled instead of being avoided.

But how do we journey from a place of encountering only destructive, selfish and dysfunctional relationships to enjoying the beauty of healthy relationships when all we know is the former?  The answer is much the same as how we journey from a place of actively using and acting out to a state of abstinence and healthy behavior:  we commit to learning about new behaviors and implementing them in our own lives.  We must recognize our old patterns, and then we must put in the hard work to change those patterns.

There are a couple of maxims regularly spoken within the rooms of self-help programs.  Alcoholics don’t have relationships – they take hostages.  Codependents don’t have relationships – they have caseloads.  While these sayings are amusing, they also hold some truth.  We must find recovery before we attempt to develop healthy relationships, for without recovery we will simply repeat the same relationship mistakes we previously made, and we will likely lose recovery in the process.

Before addressing the specifics of how to develop a healthy relationship in recovery, it is important to review a few very common mistakes when attempting to engage in a romantic relationship in early recovery.

·         The pursuit of sex and excitement.  Our addict and codependent behavior seeks out the dramatic impact that sex and excitement have to offer, however there is no intimacy, connection or security in this type of relationship.

·         The distraction of romance.  New romantic relationships have all sorts of effects on our bodies and our minds.  There are numerous hormones released that make us feel bubbly and intensely focused.  We also experience the excitement of not knowing what’s going to happen next: everything seems new.  All of this distracts us from the real work of self-awareness and behavioral change that is required for long-term quality of life and quality of relationships.  Very soon, we stop tending to ourselves, and begin to focus mostly on the relationship.

·         Feeling incomplete without a relationship.  Much of the journey of early recovery is about finding ourselves spiritually.  It is common for us to get impatient and look for a relationship with someone to serve as a surrogate for our higher power in order to feel complete.  However, another individual is not the same as a higher power, and therefore cannot complete us.

·         Keeping old friends.  So many of us want desperately to keep our old friends.  These are people that we drank, used drugs and acted out with.  We have close bonds with them, they are not our old using buddies, and they are our beloved friends.  However, it is necessary to let them go from our lives so that we may focus on developing more healthy relationships with loved ones that will support our new found healthy behaviors.

·         Unrealistic expectations.  We want it all, and we want it now – at least that is what our unhealthy selves are communicating.  The reality is that healthy relationships take a long time to develop, and they have many ups and downs along the way.  It is important to remain committed to the process and work through the problems as they come along.

·         Avoid conflict.  Old habits die hard, but this one must encounter its demise.  When we avoid conflict we build resentments toward others and the resentments are like cancers for relationships.  Instead we must use the tools of effective communication to deal with problems and not let them fester.

·         Putting up with inappropriate behavior.  If our partner is scaring us, deliberately hurting us, or attempting to control us physically or emotionally, we must leave the relationship.  We do not need to endure misery in our relationships.

Developing a Healthy Relationship in Recovery

Relationships, especially romantic relationships, come in all different shapes, sizes, colors and intensities; we cannot compartmentalize everyone into the same group of guidelines.  However, there are some fundamental relationship practices that seem to benefit almost everyone.

·         Be responsible and accountable.  We need to follow through on our commitments most of the time, and when we do not, we need to make amends.  This is a simple concept that can be difficult to practice because ego and shame gets in the way, and sometimes it seems easier to blame others than to take responsibility for ourselves.  Our morals and ethics must be the guideposts by which we navigate our relationship and life.

·         Communicate, communicate, and communicate.  Talking, gesturing, writing, texting and all other forms of communication are vital to a healthy relationship.  It is through communication that we understand each other.  We hear one another’s views and we express our own views.  Communication is a tool, and effective communication can be learned.  Keep in mind that effective communication does not mean that there is agreement all the time, it just means that each person has been heard.

·         Share the truth.  Firstly, we must share the truth with ourselves if we are inclined to routinely hide honest expression in denial or avoidance.  Once the truth is realized, we must communicate the truth to our loved ones and establish a foundation of trust and reliance.  We must communicate truth in both the positive and negative connotations, and never take our partner for granted.

·         Make reasonable expectations.  We all have expectations of one another, and that is healthy.  Where we often do not follow through is on communicating what our expectations of one another are.  Then, when our partner does not live up to our non-communicated expectation of them, we develop resentments toward them.  We must be able to express our expectations without fear of reprisal, and we must be able to understand our partner’s expectations of ourselves as well.  Remember that we are not perfect by any means, and neither is our partner.

·         Happiness is my own.  We can sometimes think that our happiness is dependent upon another person’s behaviors or attitude toward us.  The truth is that we must possess our own happiness.  Our happiness is centered on how we perceive our world.  We do not need to take the blame for something we truly do not have any responsibility for, and we do not need to feel badly just because our partner has encountered a bad day.  We can even be happy when things are not ideal.

·         Develop consensus.  We will not agree with our partner on everything, and that is absolutely fine as long as we can both live with the fact that we disagree.  If we can communicate our disagreements to one another and feel understood, then we can develop a consensus on how to proceed.  The clearer we are in our consensus agreement the better.

·         Forgive.  We live in the present, our emotions and our thoughts all take place in the now.  So why is it that we so often dredge up the past so we can punish our partner?  We can forgive our partner’s past mistakes and let go of the hold that our resentments have over us.  Sometimes we also must forgive ourselves for our past mistakes so we can move on and enjoy the wonder that is in the moment.

·         Appreciation and respect.  We love another person for many reasons but we can lose sight of those reasons when emotions are high.  If we can keep our appreciation of our loved one in view, then we can better handle conflicts when they arise.  We will also find ourselves feeling more spiritually connected to our loved one and that makes everyone feel great.  We must respect that the way we feel may be different that the way our loved one feels, and with mutual respect we can navigate even the most difficult situations together.

·         Enjoy the journey.  Our relationships with others are a significant part of our journey in life.  Through times of abundance and times of strife our relationships uniquely impact our experience.  If we allow ourselves and our partners to fully participate in the journey, and we keep our perception of our world in check, we will be able to find joy in our lives.

·         Apologize.  When we have an argument, or when we commit a mistake, we can say we are sorry for our part.  Even if our partner cannot say they are sorry, we can still take care of our responsibility and apologize for our part in the situation.  If we find ourselves always feeling the need to be right, then we need to invest some time in understanding our true level of importance in this world.  With some humility will come the ability to admit our mistakes and live life with our partner in a more pleasant and fulfilling way.

·         Give support.  As life ebbs and flows there will be times that our partner will need extra support, and we must be there to provide it.  We must provide them with our love and understanding, listen with an empathetic ear, and help them to understand that they are more important to us than the challenge at hand.

·         Enjoy one another.  We must make time to experience our relationship together, without the distractions of the routine day.  We can make a date night, or regularly plan special occasions for just us.

This article began by explaining the three types of relationships we must have in recovery: self, support system, and higher power.  We have focused on the support system relationship and romantic relationships that are contained within the support system.  With time and dedication, these principles of healthy relationships will dramatically improve the quality of our lives.

(Source: sexyandsober.com)

By Andrew T. Martin, MBA, CADC II, SAP

Love has been described by humanity throughout the ages.  The concept of love involves emotions, spirit, intellect, acceptance, awareness, sociology, cognition, physiology, chemistry, and many other factors.  Philosophers, scientists, theologians, scholars, authors, and laymen alike have spent lifetimes attempting to explain the intricacies of love.  Perhaps the first modernized attempt at illuminating the complexities of love originates with the Greeks who attempted to describe love in five forms.

Agape

The general affection of love without the sexual attraction. This is unconditional and self-sacrificing love, such as the love one may have for God, humanity, a child, or a spouse.

Philia

The virtuous and brotherly love one feels for friends, family members, and community. This type of love is dispassionate.

Storge’

The natural affectionate love one feels for their offspring, or for a kitten or puppy.

Eros

The passionate, sensual, desiring, sexual, and longing love felt for someone attracted to another.

Thelema

The desire to be occupied and feel prominent in doing something such as a job, a hobby, or a cause.

Another perspective on love is broader in definition:

Impersonal Love

The love of an idea, a possession, an object, or a principle.

Interpersonal Love

The love between human beings.

Self-Love

The love of one’s self image and identity.

Yet another outlook on love involves evaluation:

Unconditional Love

Love of another regardless of their actions or beliefs.

Conditional Love

Love is given only if something desired is received.

Tough Love

Love is expressed in harsh terms with the intent on helping someone over the long-term.

Regardless of how one defines love, most of us know it when we experience it.  When we love an addict, or when an addict loves us, the situation can become difficult to say the least.  It may be helpful to understand, in general terms, how to integrate love into our lives in healthy ways that will not cause harm to the loved ones in our lives or to us.

The first belief that must be addressed is that of false dilemma (aka. Black and White thinking).  When it comes to love, often individuals suffering from addiction, and loved ones of the addict, will interpret love as extremes: either I love them, or I do not.  Furthermore, people with this type of thinking will often try to express their love, or lack of love, in behaviors that are exaggerated.  For example, the caretaker may do everything possible for the addict, regardless of the detriment to their own health, because they understand this type of martyrdom as love.  The simple truth is that love, and most everything else in life, is not a dichotomy; that is to say that love exists on a continuum from non-existence of love to unconditional love.  Love is a matter of degree; it is not an either-or scenario.

Once we believe that love can be flexible, it is now possible for us to explore a multitude of options that were previously unavailable.  First and foremost, we can begin to love ourselves for who we really are: not our idealized self, not our falsified self, but our true self.  We can love ourselves even though we are flawed, we make mistakes, and we have done unacceptable things at times.  Our love for ourselves is no longer predicated on our unreasonable expectations for ourselves; instead we base our love on our acceptance of ourselves.  When we can find this type of self-love, then we can truly begin to understand what it means to love someone else with purity.

When we are free from false dilemma, and we have found self-love, we can begin to deal with the impact our love has on our wellbeing.  In families with addiction, the understanding of love is often distorted and the term love is commonly used in manipulating ways.  If we have a more healthy perspective on love, we will become aware when a loved one is attempting to manipulate our emotions.  We will also become aware when we begin to criticize ourselves for acting in our own best interests instead of sacrificing our health for someone who is taking advantage of our love for them.

As previously stated, love is not an either-or scenario.  It is healthy to love someone and to set boundaries around the interaction with that person.  It is possible to love someone and not accept their behavior.  It is possible to love someone and not engage in their problems.  It is possible to love someone and not attempt control, intervention, or manipulation of their lives.  All this is possible because self-love can provide insight, strength and motivation for us to separate ourselves from unhealthy situations: even when the situation involves a loved one.

We now have to develop a sound understanding of healthy boundaries.  Boundaries, like love, can often times fall into the trap of false dilemma as well.  Most boundaries should be flexible and dependent upon the situation at hand.  Rigid boundaries are often excessive and nearly impossible to abide by because life circumstances get in the way.  When dealing with addiction in the family system, it is critical to keep our objective of recovery in mind at all times.  While boundaries must be in place and understood by all parties involved, they also may need to flex to accommodate abnormal situations, as long as everyone’s recovery remains the focus of behaviors.  It is often necessary for families with addiction to work with a therapist to develop and monitor healthy boundaries in the beginning because families with addiction often have very little experience with healthy boundary setting.

We now have a concept of self-love and a functional boundary system which will undoubtedly improve the quality of our lives immensely.  The next step in development is to integrate healthy detachment into our lives as well.  It is entirely possible to detach from an individual and continue to love them.  The idea may seem foreign at first, but with practice we can exercise empathy with a loved one without being sucked into their problems.  This is one of the most difficult things for us to do when it comes to our loved ones.

We want to help our loved ones through difficult times, and often our focus can become consuming of our time, energy and spirit.  We must learn to shift focus away from the loved one and onto ourselves in order to save our own health and sanity.  Our behavioral history of helping our loved ones without concern for the damage it causes us is very difficult to overcome.  Our love leads us to blur the lines between where we leave-off and the addict begins.  We are enmeshed with the loved one.  Detachment is the only way we can save ourselves from the destruction of our unhealthy love relationship.

Detachment is the practice of separating ourselves emotionally and spiritually from other people.  This does not imply that we no longer feel happy, sad, frustrated or joyful for other people.  It simply means we no longer strongly identify ourselves through the emotions we have for others.  We no longer derive a sense of self through others.  We become our own individual person who remains compassionate and empathetic towards others, and who disconnects from assigning criticism to ourselves because a loved one blames us for something we have no part in.

We are not responsible for the unacceptable behaviors or the unhealthy choices our loved ones make.  If our loved ones find themselves in trouble as a result of their own doing, then the trouble they are in is not ours to burden.  Detachment from the situation is critical to our health and to the development of our loved one.  We still love them, we tell them we love them, and we wish them well; and then we let it go as best we can.

By Andrew T. Martin, MBA, CADC II, SAP

                The other day I received a call from the wife of a self-reported addict who wanted to discontinue using methamphetamine but was unable to stop.  She told me how their life had become a mess, with his losing his job and spending all their money on drugs.  She let me know about their child who had been sent to her Mother’s house because she could no longer take care of her daughter and her husband.  She was heartbroken, confused, angry, compassionate, loving, hating, resentful, and desperate for a solution to her husband’s problem with methamphetamine.  She was dumbfounded as to why her husband could go through two treatment programs and still be using methamphetamine despite the damage it was causing to their family.

                Tragically, this story is not uncommon.  There are variations, such as the addict had not been exposed to treatment yet, or perhaps the addict is a child instead of a spouse.  However, the basic context of the situation is fundamentally the same: the addict is using and it is causing severe problems within the family system, and the addict can’t seem to stop.

                Addiction is defined as a chronic and progressive disease which includes a distortion of the psychology, physiology, sociology and spirituality of the addict.  The term chronic is used to describe the fact that addiction (aka chemical dependency) is incurable.  This is because there is a permanent physiological aberration that takes place in the nucleus accumbens of the addict’s brain after the addict has used enough of a mood-altering addictive substance over a long enough period of time.  Progressive is a term used to describe the fact that addiction will progress without treatment to arrest the disease and prevent addiction from playing an active role in the addict’s life.  And, rest assured, treatment does work and will arrest addiction if the addict is willing to participate and do the work necessary.

                Loved ones will sometimes ask me how they are supposed to know if the substance user is addicted.  As a clinician, I use an assessment based on the experiences of the patient.  I then compile the information and compare it to the list of diagnostic questions listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder IV as listed below:

DSM-IV-TR Diagnosis

Criteria for Substance Dependence: (3 of 7 in last 12 months)

          Tolerance (e.g. the need for more of the substance to achieve the desired effect; or

markedly diminished effect with continued use of the same amount of the

substance).

          Withdrawal (e.g. characteristic withdrawal syndrome for the substance; or the same

substance or closely related substance is taken to relieve of avoid withdrawal

symptoms).

          The substance is often taken in larger amounts and over a longer period than was

intended.

          There is a persistent desire or unsuccessful efforts to cut down or control substance

use.

          A great deal of time is spent in activities necessary to obtain the substance, e.g.

visiting multiple doctors or driving long distances; use the substance, e.g. chain

smoking; or recover from its effects.

          Important social, occupational, or recreational activities are given up or reduced

because of substance use.

          The substance use is continued despite knowledge of having a persistent or

recurrent physical or psychological problem that is likely to have been caused or

exacerbated by the substance (e.g. current cocaine use despite recognition of

cocaine-induced depression, or continued drinking despite recognition that an ulcer

was made worse by alcohol consumption).

                If three of the seven criteria are met, then the individual is diagnosed as chemically dependent.  However, it is my experience, that by the time a loved one is calling to get help from a professional it is highly likely the suspected addict is already an addict.

                There is a great deal of motivation, for all family members involved, to ignore the addict behaviors of a loved one.  It is natural for loved ones to want to believe the people they love are healthy and are just going through a rough time in their lives.  It is normal for loved ones to try to supplement efforts to keep the family functioning well while one member is having trouble.  And it is common for loved ones to develop a form of denial and resistance to the possibility that their loved one may have a drug or alcohol problem.  But at some point, the denial and resistance breaks down and the truth begins to expose itself.

                When it becomes undeniable that there is a problem with drugs or alcohol, it is time to get some help.  Contacting both addiction treatment professionals and self-help support groups are recommended for the family members of the possible addict.  Addiction treatment professionals are trained in how to approach the potential addict and to conduct an assessment in order to make educated recommendations on next steps.  Additionally, addiction professionals can assist the family members by suggesting support groups and potentially treatment resources.

                Once a determination has been made that the loved one is likely an addict, it is often the situation that the loved one needs to go to drug and alcohol treatment after detox.  It can be very difficult to motivate an addict to willingly go to detox and rehab.  It is most likely necessary for the family system to confront the addict and let them know how their behaviors are negatively impacting the family, and that they are loved, and that the family wants to support them in getting well once again.  Often this approach will create enough awareness in the addict that they will agree to go to detox and rehab.  Sometimes, the addict will remain in denial and push away the families offer to help.  When there is a difficult loved one, it can be beneficial to bring in an addiction professional that specializes in intervention.  The interventionist is specially trained and skilled at creating awareness for the addict and for the family system.  Interventions are usually effective, but sometimes the addict is simply too entrenched in their disease to accept any form of recovery help.  It is unfortunate when the addict will not accept recovery help, however hope is not lost.  Eventually the addict will create self-awareness and will seek help independently.  Until that time, it is of paramount importance that the family system receives its own support.

                If you are a member of a family system with addiction involved, you know that everyone in the family system is significantly impacted by the addict’s behaviors.  Often, there are one or two parties within the family system that are devastated by the addict’s behaviors.  There is no mistaking that addiction is a family crisis; it does not just impact the addict.  Because the family system had grown accustomed to ignoring the addict, or condemning the addict for their behaviors, it is often difficult for the family to recognize the impact that the addiction has had on the family itself.  As an addiction treatment professional, I have first-hand experience at witnessing the devastation that addiction can cause a family.  I am absolutely convinced that the family system needs help, just as the addict needs help.

                I recommend the family system immediately engage in self-help programs and treatment that provides education and support for the extremely difficult task of detaching from the addict with love.  This does not mean leaving the addict; to the contrary, it means being 100% supportive for the recovering addict, and not being there at all for the actively using and acting out addict.  This is likely the most important behavior any family system can practice.  Anything less than entirely detaching from an actively using addict is simply enabling the addict to continue without significant enough consequence for them to become self-aware.  Many addicts will continue in their addiction until death because family systems are unwilling to detach with love, and the addict is never put in a position to become self-aware and seek recovery help.

                The extremely important job of the family is to take care of the healthy family first.  Because the family does not usually have experience with this, it is always recommended that family counseling with and addiction treatment professional is combined with self-help support such as Al-Anon or CODA.  This approach provides the family system with the tools necessary to develop healthy boundaries with the addict’s behaviors.  Furthermore, the family system will understand how the family member’s behaviors can help or hinder the recovery process.  Once the family system is in a more healthy condition, the addict is forced into recognition that they will be unable to continue in their addiction and will seek treatment themselves.

                Whether it is the family, the addict, or both the family and the addict entering recovery, there are very significant healthy changes that take place.  These changes are often rooted in paradigm shifts within the family system.  It is very difficult to successfully make these types of shifts a lasting part of lifestyle without support.  Just as entering into the recovery process is extremely difficult, retaining the shifts is equally difficult in the early phases of recovery.  I recommend that all parties involved in the recovery process continue to regularly engage with an addiction treatment professional and routinely attend self-help groups.  In doing so, it will be clear when individuals within the family system begin to slip back into old unhealthy behaviors and adjustments can be made through self-awareness.

                Addiction could be called a family disease as it impacts everyone around the addict.  With a healthy approach, all parties can find recovery and a quality of life that is fulfilling and joyous.

by Victoria Duff

I meet so many people in our clean & sober community who are bright, hard-working and have skills learned from years of working in high-pressure jobs, before they burned out on alcohol or drugs. Then there are those who are so naturally creative, and those who are looking for a way to make a new start in life.

No doubt about it, being clean & sober helps get things done. No more calling-in sick on Mondays. No more lost weekends and evenings. And there is time to work on projects, too. Perhaps one of those projects you have had in mind is starting your own business.  Well, this is one of the best times to do just that!

Contrary to what seems logical, a recession is a great time to start or expand a business. Here are some of the reasons:

Sourcing Opportunities. You can get great deals on nearly everything you need for a business. Auction houses and thrift stores are filled with used office furniture and used office machines. If you need to buy inventory, there are always suppliers willing to make deals because their businesses are slow. Sometimes they will even help you get your business going with business management and ideas or introductions to people who can help you.

Plenty of Time. Not only will your suppliers and advisers have more time to help you while their own businesses are slow, you will have more time to perfect your own business while customers are not beating down your door. When starting a new business, you will make mistakes. Not rushing to meet customer demand allows you to think through what you are doing and this helps avoid costly mistakes.

Victoria Duff, founder of Southern California-based aBusinessPlan.com, is a widely acclaimed start-up consultant, enterprise analyst, strategic advisor, venture finance catalyst, investor liaison, author, and speaker.  Her depth of experience lends itself well to efficiently providing solutions to over a decade of happy clients.  Her advisory practice can be found at:  www.aBusinessPlan.com  Ms. Duff is available on a retainer or project basis.

(Source: abusinessplan.com)

I recently started to become aware of what I was paying attention to and how it was affecting my life.  A few months ago, I would wake up, turn on the Today show, scan the latest headlines on Yahoo and log on to Facebook.  I was always willing to hear the latest news or pass on a juicy piece of gossip.  At night it was Dateline, Forensic Files and Snapped.  Even better if my neighbors were having another fight - Get the popcorn!  

Somehow in all that, I was balancing it out by reading wonderful inspirational books before bedtime.  One of which suggested I stop watching the news and see how I felt.  The book promised that I would be better off emotionally and that I would never miss it.  I found that hard to believe, but I was willing to try it.  And you know what?  I really didn’t miss it!  I enjoyed being news free so much that I even stopped watching my “reality” shows as I began to see how they were focused solely on creating drama (and not in a good way).  I’m SO much better for it.

There is a saying that you get more of what you focus on.  I had been focusing on the worst of humanity - 5 o’clock news anyone?  So once I started shifting my focus away from bad news, gossip and fear, the consequences were amazing.  New, positive people started arriving in my life.  My level of joy and appreciation got much higher.  I’m rode the pink cloud of sobriety longer every day.  The days seemed lighter, people seemed friendlier and everything got more delicious.  I found true serenity and it was as easy as changing the channel!

(Source: sexyandsober.com)

Imagine what it would look like if you could change a person’s life for the better.

How about two people?  Or ten?  And what if all it took to change someone’s life was to go shopping for yourself?

We all like to help out our fellow man, but it’s also nice to help ourselves in return, right?

Sexy and Sober is proud to introduce The Pink Cloud Foundation.

Our mission is to provide investment capital, consultation and mentorship to peole in recovery who wish to start their own business.  Our goal is to provide inspiration and empowerment to the individual by granting them the opportunity to become a business owner.

With every purchase from Sexy and Sober (www.sexyandsober.com), you will be instrumental in keeping the Pink Cloud Foundation in the air.

Become one of our FOUNDING FUNDERS today!  Founding Funders will be helping our recipients begin to change their lives.  The best part?  You can proudly announce, “I’m a venture philanthropist!”  It’s as easy as buying a t-shirt.

Sexy and Sober is more than a store for people in recovery, but don’t take our word for it….

“I have purchased a beautiful t-shirt from Sexy and Sober, and I get nothing but great responses from it.” 

Laurie B  Mahwah, NJ

 
“Sexy and sober is a wonderful company and I will always buy my products from them because they are one in a million.  Thank you Sexy and Sober for everything you have brought into my life.” 

Brandi M.  Huntington Beach, CA

 
“Sexy and Sober is more than just a business. It is a way to celebrate sobriety and be proud of our successes!” 

Tom M  Morristown, NJ

 
Sexy and Sober means sober pride, empowerment and accomplishment – Sobriety rocks! 

Let’s pay it forward.

“What can I do to help?”

Order anything from Sexy and Sober and KNOW that you’re truly changing someone’s life.  As an ADDED thank you – please use coupon code “I Helped” for 10% off your entire order.
 
So, helping others is great - You love to help people!  But what if the person you were helping was YOU!?
 
·         Do you dream of owning your own business, but don’t have the finances to get started?
·         Do you know that you would succeed if only you could get that “leg up?”
·         Are you ready to feel the empowerment that comes with owning your own business?
·         Do you want to start slowly by growing a business at night or on the weekends?
·         Perhaps you KNOW someone in recovery who wants to start their own business?
 
What would you do with a Pink Cloud Foundation grant?
·         Get that software you need for your accounting business?
·         Purchase the starter kit to sell Mary Kay, Dove Chocolates, Pampered Chef?
·         Buy a new oven for your baking venture?
·         Apply for that business license?
·         Take that class you need?
 
Become a fan of the Pink Cloud Foundation on Facebook or for more information, email me directly at shannon@sexyandsober.com
 
 
In love and Fellowship,
 
Shannon Shea Stoveken
Sexy and Sober, Founder & CEO
 
 
P.S. - Remember that any order from www.sexyandsober.com – in ANY amount – will qualify you as one of our Founding Funders and you can know that today, you helped change someone’s life forever.  Order by FRIDAY APRIL 6^th, and get free stickers and personal letter of gratitude!

“The greatest gift you could ever give another is the gift of your expectation of their success.”  Abraham-Hicks

As I looked at my inbox tonight, I started to see a pattern.  My inbox is full of “good news.”  Newsletters, blog posts and facebook notices about positive things.  My box is filled mostly with “Law of Attraction” newsletters and blogs from Croz Crossley, Jeannette Maw, and most recently, Liz Green.  There are also business blog emails from Inc. Magazine, Entrepreneur Magazine and many of their contributing writers.

Since I stopped watching TV news and changed my homepage from Yahoo! to www.cheergiver.com - I’m feeling great!

It has just dawned on me tonight, as I glanced over my inbox that I’m truly only allowing the positive into my life.  I have removed negative influences and news stories.  I don’t condemn them, I just don’t let them into my precious playground I call my mind.

I now guard my mind and my thoughts as vigilantly as I guard my sobriety.  It’s a good place to be.

(Source: sexyandsober.com)